I heard a story the other week. It was one of those stories that stuck with me, and I keep thinking about it and how it applies to soooo many things in life, but especially to how I see us as women collectively behaving- more often than not.
Do you wanna hear about it?
Ok, well read on, sis.
The story was about a guy who gave a diamond ring to his beloved.
Except it was a fake diamond.
But she didn’t know that.
So anyway, at some point after giving his beloved this ring, the guy finds himself in a business downturn, and he is in a bad way financially.
And because she wants to help, his beloved gives him back the diamond ring he gifted her and tells him that he can sell the ring and use the money as he needs to.
How do you think he feels about all of this??
Well, he’s happy to have such a kind and generous woman in his life, and he’s also wishing that he had given her a real diamond so that his investment would have had real, significant value.
Because his investment was not valuable, it did not serve him when he had a need later on.
I just LOVE this story.
I see this same story playing out in the lives of badass women all the time!
No, not the fake diamond part- at least, not literal diamonds....
I see women giving themselves "fakes" in other ways as substitutes for what they really long for. And these empty substitutes are only briefly satisfying bc they have no lasting value.
They spend money on clothes, makeup, alcohol, stuff at target, amazon priming, and-here’s a big one- they spend money on other people, even at a detriment to themselves.
Do you ever find yourself smack dab in the Fakey McFaker syndrome? Here’s some questions to find out:
Do you ever feel guilty for giving yourself what you want? (Even little things that you actually need?)
Is it hard for you to receive? (Gifts, praise, compliments, attention, etc.)
Is it difficult for you to relax open and receive even the things you have been working toward and calling into your life when they finally arrive in the present moment?
How do you make your choices on what you’re "allowed" to give yourself in regard to time, pleasure, travel, pleasure, food, rest, and personal interests??
And how much is too much to spend on yourself? What is that magic number where your insides squeeze up and the guilt takes over?
What are you substituting in place of what you really truly desire??
Is there someplace you long to go but have reconciled it to your 'bucket list'? Something you want to learn? An experience you long to have??
Ok, ok, so where am I going with this, and why does it even matter??
I believe that all of our desires are ultimately a cry to know and embody our sovereignty.
Every urge, every longing, every piqued interest is an opportunity to live from the knowledge that we are the ruler of our body and our whole life.
Substituting the things we are willing to give ourselves for the things we really crave is a way to avoid feeling totally powerless. Powerlessness is the feeling that you are unable to change something in your life, relationship, work, or circumstances.
Junk-food McFaker substitutions keep us trapped in a cycle of mediocrity and can actually lead to depression, loss of aliveness, resentment, jealousy, addictions, endless scrolling, numbness, apathy, latent rage, envy, judgment, gossip, and physical disease, autoimmune diseases, and chronic pain syndromes.
Junk-food McFaker substitutions keep us disconnected from our natural power (our ability to create change) and our natural generosity of spirit. Just like in The Matrix, where homeboy knows the steak he is eating is totally not real, but he just wants the illusion.
So the real question here is, what is something you would really love, but have been believing that you cannot have? Or cannot create? Or cannot afford? What have you labeled as unattainable and impossible for yourself?
How do you know that this is true? Can you be really and truly sure that this desire is unachievable?
Why are we in such a hurry to argue for our limitations??
This conversation is really important to me because I see the damage and the fall out of women neglecting ourselves, jumping thru all the hoops, trying to be happy with the status quo, and pasting on a happy face because we think 'hey! I’ve jumped through all these hoops, isn’t this stuff that I have supposed to make me happy? Shouldn’t this be enough? Isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?? I have a good life and I need to learn how to be happy with what I have.’
I don’t believe we have a gratitude problem.
I think we are actually really good at being thankful.
I think we have an IDENTITY problem.
And I believe that until we wake up to our sovereignty, and what it means to be powerful, we will continue to feel misplaced guilt, resentment, numbness, boredom, and a mixed bag of anxieties and addictions.
I’m going to go live at 11am pst in my facebook community for the next 3 days to talk about 3 ways you’re self-sabotaging your life and how to stop it. Hint: it’s probably not what you think!
If you can’t catch me live and don’t want to miss out, no worries! I’ll send you a link to the replay.
Now I would love to hear from you! What is landing with you here, lovely?? Can you think of anything you’re using as a substitute for a deeper desire or longing?
I’ll be back tomorrow to share some personal stories of ways that I am stepping into my own longings and desires and throwing out the junk food substitutes that don’t satisfy my soul.
👉 The Indestructible Modern Goddess Toolbox 💋
A free resource I've created just for you with tools, inspiration and practices for living your best life.