Huntington Beach Pier at Sunset

Huntington Beach Pier at Sunset

It was late September. We were on a quick trip to visit family in southern California.


I noticed that my breasts felt sore and tender. I spent some extra time massaging them after my shower. I also noticed that I was feeling extra inwardly focused, and had no energy for running around.

A week after we arrived home I was expecting my moon, and when she didn't arrive right on time, I jumped out of bed to run to CVS for a pregnancy test.

 

Sure enough, even so soon, the plus sign appeared. I was pregnant with my second child.

 

This baby wasn't an accident.

My partner had come to me this summer and announced that he was ready to have a baby and get married. I knew he wanted a baby, but it had been a sort of distant, far off wish, and he hadn't really put it on the table this way before.  I had let him know years ago that I would never get pregnant accidentally, and that I care very attentively for my womb. I have a son who is now 8 years old, and after a pretty traumatic split from his dad when he was a tiny baby, and being a single mama for years; 

I knew that to have another child would take an whole and thriving family unit- fully committed and intentional.

 

It took me months after my lover made his heart known to work through all the feelings that arose.

 

I was surprised how much fear and old anger came up for me at the thought of having another baby now. Also, there was the fact that I was so HAPPY with my life! I was in a loving relationship, growing my thriving business, financially independent, and enjoying my time with my son, as well my free time when he was away with his dad. I was also feeling comfortable with the level of commitment I had in my relationship.

 

Over the course of several months I prayed and searched my own heart.

 

I had always wanted a sibling for my son, and my partner is one of the most amazing fathers I have ever seen- but still the thought of having another baby now, at 37 years old, was really terrifying for me. I finally peacefully decided that I had to turn it over to Source.

I said to myself, if this baby comes to me with effortless ease, I will know that this is the path I am meant to live. And so months after he expressed his desire to grow our family, I quietly and prayerfully stopped taking the herbs I was taking to avoid pregnancy.

Two weeks later, after some steamy hot, passionate, intense lovemaking- our baby found its way into my womb. Talk about effortless ease! Quite honestly I couldn't even believe it at first!

 

I was unprepared for the deep, dark depression that would descend upon me.

 

For the first time in many years I felt genuinely crazy, full of fear, despondent, and suicidal. It took months for my hormones to even out and to get back to feeling a bit more like myself.

Even now the depression still lingers a bit, but I am feeling so much better. It helps that I am genuinely thrilled with excitement about the opportunities to expand my life in so many ways this coming year. 

 

Ultimately I see this depression as a gift that helped me to remember where I have been, how far I have come,  to give thanks for my tools, and activate my compassion on yet another deeper level.

 

It has also helped me to unravel into nothing before my partner and allow him to love me in all my rage and pain and bitchiness, and to fully release the residue of my past on a deeper level.

 

The birth of something new means that something else has to die and be released.

For me, I am releasing another layer of beliefs and fears about men, commitment, and my own limitations.

 

What about you beloved?

What are you birthing in 2017? And what has to die in order to make room for your new creations?

 

I am humbled, blessed, and thrilled to be bringing into 2017 not just a new baby, but new projects as well! I am fully devoting myself to my coaching practice and expanding it from a mainly brick & mortar, one-on-one practice, into a larger web based practice. You can expect at least 2 online, interactive courses from me this year, plus the launch of my group coaching program.

 

My first online course of 2017 will be launching February 12th, 

6-Weeks of #LiftingMyLove.

This is a course exploring how the relationship we have with our essential Feminine Selves is directly connected to the intimacy and connection we create in the relationships we have with our partners.

 

I am also very EXCITED to announce that I am launching a podcast for women!

IN{HABIT}: The Art of Radical Self-Care is a judgement free zone for women to share the triggers, struggles, and addictions that we all face, and how we transform these things into life giving fruit using the art of Radical Self-Care.

I will be featuring interviews with women from all walks of life who are generously, courageously sharing their stories, challenges and victories. My desire is that this program will be fully interactive and I hope to get much listener feedback including questions and stories.

Do you have any ideas you would like to hear explored on the show? Any suggestions for guests? Stories to share? Please let me know!

 

I will send out another email when the show launches on iTunes, but for now, here is a sneak peak!

 

Check out the first episode of IN{HABIT}: The Art of Radical Self-Care

 

I know that this year has been so challenging for many people, and there has been much loss on many levels. These last moments of 2016 are perfect for reflection. I hope you can take a moment to write down what you are ready to let go of and release, and what you are calling and and desiring to birth in 2017. 

 

May we remember that nothing and no one is against us, and all is for our growth.

 

Every day is truly a chance to begin again, and to create something entirely new. Are you willing to dream of something wonderful & new? Are you willing to believe you are worthy of such goodness?

 

My prayer is that we welcome the New Year with abundant love and acceptance of ourselves and our feelings- whatever they are. We are enough exactly as we are, exactly how we feel. It is only from this place of acceptance that we are truly free to become new and expanded versions of ourselves. I have been re-learning this all again for the last months of this year.

 

Thank you as always for sharing yourself with me. If you have a moment, I would love to hear about your life! Just respond to this email & fill me in!

 

And now a final blessing for 2016.

May all beings be safe & free from harm. May all beings be happy. May all beings have peace. May all beings be healthy. May all beings live in joy & ease. May all beings be loved. And may all beings benefit from our practice.

I love you.

xo

monica

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